365 Questions--May 9
List 3 things you want to change about yourself. Why haven't you changed those things?
1. I want to not be so dismissive of people in my life
I've kinda gotten to the point in my life where when I feel like people do me wrong, they don't exist anymore in my world. They literally do not exist to me anymore. For one thing, I spend a lot of time at home so I really don't have to interact with them, and when I'm not at home, I can almost guarantee I won't be in the same space as them. Even if I am in the same space, I can be there the entire time and not acknowledge their presence at all. I'm not really sure if that's healthy, but I don't think that's the most mature thing to do either. At this point in my life, I haven't changed it because I literally would have no reason to be around those people (well except 1). I would have to go completely out my way to see them.
2. I want to be able to forgive
Like I just said, I dismiss people from my life. I don't really forgive them. I just don't acknowledge them. Being able to forgive is more Christ-like, and as a Christian, my goal should be to be more like Him. Forgiveness is something I really struggle with because of what I've been taught. I've had some pastors say that I can forgive people and not deal with them anymore, but then there's other pastors who say that I can't do that. I've had people tell me that if I forgive them, I can't feed them with a long ended spoon. I have to love them with the love of Christ. That's really hard for me to understand because the Bible also says guard your heart. I don't know about the rest of y'all but I have a really big heart, but enough is enough. I'm not going to allow someone to keep hurting me. I wouldn't be guarding myself if I did that.
3. I want for emotions to not be as extreme
So just in general, my emotions are pretty extreme. There is no grey area at all. If I'm happy, I'm happy. If I'm mad, it's like a bull seeing red. There is no guessing in how I feel about something. It's not normal. For one thing, it makes my pressure spike very quickly. I've suffered with migraines since I was about 14 or 15. Back then, I was absolutely ruthless. Now I've gotten to a place where I don't respond to everything, but when I do it's always crazy. I won't say that I haven't tried to change it. The fact that I don't respond to everything is growth, but I'm not where I want to be.
1. I want to not be so dismissive of people in my life
I've kinda gotten to the point in my life where when I feel like people do me wrong, they don't exist anymore in my world. They literally do not exist to me anymore. For one thing, I spend a lot of time at home so I really don't have to interact with them, and when I'm not at home, I can almost guarantee I won't be in the same space as them. Even if I am in the same space, I can be there the entire time and not acknowledge their presence at all. I'm not really sure if that's healthy, but I don't think that's the most mature thing to do either. At this point in my life, I haven't changed it because I literally would have no reason to be around those people (well except 1). I would have to go completely out my way to see them.
2. I want to be able to forgive
Like I just said, I dismiss people from my life. I don't really forgive them. I just don't acknowledge them. Being able to forgive is more Christ-like, and as a Christian, my goal should be to be more like Him. Forgiveness is something I really struggle with because of what I've been taught. I've had some pastors say that I can forgive people and not deal with them anymore, but then there's other pastors who say that I can't do that. I've had people tell me that if I forgive them, I can't feed them with a long ended spoon. I have to love them with the love of Christ. That's really hard for me to understand because the Bible also says guard your heart. I don't know about the rest of y'all but I have a really big heart, but enough is enough. I'm not going to allow someone to keep hurting me. I wouldn't be guarding myself if I did that.
3. I want for emotions to not be as extreme
So just in general, my emotions are pretty extreme. There is no grey area at all. If I'm happy, I'm happy. If I'm mad, it's like a bull seeing red. There is no guessing in how I feel about something. It's not normal. For one thing, it makes my pressure spike very quickly. I've suffered with migraines since I was about 14 or 15. Back then, I was absolutely ruthless. Now I've gotten to a place where I don't respond to everything, but when I do it's always crazy. I won't say that I haven't tried to change it. The fact that I don't respond to everything is growth, but I'm not where I want to be.
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