365 Questions--January 13
One thing you learned about yourself
One thing that I learned about myself during the women's retreat (make sure you read the last post) is that I carry all of my past with me, the good, the bad, and the ugly. It didn't hit me until we ere doing an activity during the retreat. The fact that I carried those things wasn't the biggest issue. The issue was that I had not healed from the things that hurt me. I just got through them and went on with life. I never dealt with them. The domestic violence, the infidelities, the backstabbing. It happened to me and did what I knew to do: just keep moving. I had always been taught to just keep going. No matter what happens, don't stop. Life doesn't stop just because things happen. It got to a point that I literally could not take anything else happening to me. It was like I was suffocating. It wasn't until this activity, where I had to write down everything that led to me being the person I am that I realize there was a problem. I cried like I did when these things first happened to me. Why would I cry like that if I had truly healed? Those things that happened to me play a subconscious role in my interactions every day. I mentioned in the last blog that I had not really bonded with my church family until the retreat. I had been close to my church family before and it ended badly for me. So no. I don't trust many. I've seen so much happened within a ministry. I don't put anything past anybody. Now is the time that I have to deal with Briana and what is causing her pain and dissatisfaction out of life.
Who can I run to,
To share this empty space?
Who can I run to,
When I need love?
Who can I run to,
To fill this empty space with laughter?
Who can I run to,
When I need love?
--Xscape
One thing that I learned about myself during the women's retreat (make sure you read the last post) is that I carry all of my past with me, the good, the bad, and the ugly. It didn't hit me until we ere doing an activity during the retreat. The fact that I carried those things wasn't the biggest issue. The issue was that I had not healed from the things that hurt me. I just got through them and went on with life. I never dealt with them. The domestic violence, the infidelities, the backstabbing. It happened to me and did what I knew to do: just keep moving. I had always been taught to just keep going. No matter what happens, don't stop. Life doesn't stop just because things happen. It got to a point that I literally could not take anything else happening to me. It was like I was suffocating. It wasn't until this activity, where I had to write down everything that led to me being the person I am that I realize there was a problem. I cried like I did when these things first happened to me. Why would I cry like that if I had truly healed? Those things that happened to me play a subconscious role in my interactions every day. I mentioned in the last blog that I had not really bonded with my church family until the retreat. I had been close to my church family before and it ended badly for me. So no. I don't trust many. I've seen so much happened within a ministry. I don't put anything past anybody. Now is the time that I have to deal with Briana and what is causing her pain and dissatisfaction out of life.
Who can I run to,
To share this empty space?
Who can I run to,
When I need love?
Who can I run to,
To fill this empty space with laughter?
Who can I run to,
When I need love?
--Xscape
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