365 Questions--August 23

Choose photos of yourself from across your lifetime. Where were you, what were you doing, and what were you like?

Of course this would appropriate since it is #tbt THROWBACK THURSDAY !! Y'all I had so much fun looking for these pictures. It gave me the laugh I needed. I had to log back in to twitter and everything. I literally haven't tweeted in 4 years. I wish I could've logged into my Myspace. That's where the real throwbacks are. So let's get started !!

Who is that cutie in the middle?? 😍😍Oh wait...that's me. I had to be like 3 or 4 in this picture. Probably 3. I believe we were at my cousin's graduation. Back then, I was the grown, unfiltered toddler. My cousin, sitting to the right....I followed her and her older sister (It was her graduation) like a puppy even though they were at least 10 years older than me. That part hasn't changed. They're like my best friends. We relate so much even though there's such an age difference. Me and my cousin pictured on the left of me are the closest in age. We're just under 9 months apart.  The four of all have always been close. It's always a good time when we get together. And also, thank God for the glow up cuz honeyyyyyyy....listen Linda. We all looked like struggle back then 😂😂

I had to be around 14 or 15 in this picture. From the looks of it, it looks like I had just got done writing in that notebook. I took that notebook with me everywhere. It was my first "novel," well that was the plan. Back then I was reading all the Black girl books, like Flyy Girl, Sistah Soulja, Zane. I read all of that back then and wanted to write my own. Back then I was probably in the most insecure place that I had ever been in in my life. I was uncomfortable in my own skin. I didn't feel attractive. I hated my complexion. I always thought I was too dark or that I wasn't curvy enough. I don't know how I figured I was going to curvy at 14  years old, but that was my issue. So the book I was writing was what I wanted my life to be like. I wanted to be beautiful, thick, with long hair, and to be super talented. I literally wrote that book around what I wanted my life to be like and my friends. 

I was 16 in this picture. I remember this day like no other. This was in my chemistry class with good ol chem clique. We were so close back then. We had a sub that, which is why we were able to get these pictures because Mr. Manly did not play that. This had to be like October or November. This was the day that my boyfriend at the time had to learn how crazy and throwed off I really was. Back then there was literally no telling what I would do. I knew that I didn't have to tolerate his nonsense, but he was GONNA know to not play with me. I am not a sample and you will not try me, sir. 

I was 18 here, and I had just gotten home from spending the day with my first love. I'm actually wearing his sweatshirt here. I was such a fighter back then. It was a fight to balance school, organizations, church, and my boyfriend. Somehow I ended the school year with a 3.8 GPA. I know for a fact that was God. I fought for everything I had, including the relationship I was in. I can remember this night very vividly too. . I had driven back and forth from Thomasville to Valdosta like 3 times that night. I can't remember why I went in the first place, but I came back because I had to go to a party, and he wanted to go with me. I was uneasy about it, but I let him come anyway. I remember what I was wearing and everything. I had on a purple tank top and some shortsWe ended up not going in so I took him back to Thomasville. We went to his friends house for a little bit. It was nothing major. We were just chilling. It got late and I am prone to being cold so he gave me his hoodie. Here's the thing. I'm 5'3. I'm pretty short, and he is at least a foot taller than me. On top of that I was pretty skinny back then and he was a little buff back then so of course his hoodie swallowed me. It literally looked like a dress on me. We ended up going to Walmart for something. I can't remember for what exactly. Anyway, we ran into one of our church members who didn't speak back when we spoke. The next day, my boyfriend's mom came up to us while we were eating after church and asked us what we were doing at a hotel at 2 in the morning. Let's just say I ended the conversation and went directly to the person I knew it came from and went ham. We were a real life Bonnie and Clyde. I would go to war for him. It was me and him against the world.

I was 19 here. This was actually after we had got back to the house after my granddaddy's funeral. My face was so puffy and nasty by this time. I had literally cried myself to sleep in the funeral. I don't remember much about the funeral. It was all a blur. My siblings (first cousins) and I wore my granddaddy's Kangols. I remember walking in...well barely walked in. I was shaking so bad. My sisters, Sheika and Sherrie had to hold me up because I literally wouldn't move. My granddaddy was my entire heart. I didn't want to see him when he died. I didn't want to be there. I avoided him because he didn't want me to cry, but I couldn't help it. I hated seeing him in that much pain. At this time in my life, I was very angry. I'm an angry griever. I'm not one to sit around and cry. I cried for maybe a week. After that, everything irritated me. I didn't cry anymore. I just was irritated with everything and everyone around me. It stayed like that for a long time. Looking back, I feel bad for my boyfriend. He was getting cursed out for every little thing. 

I was 22 in this picture. I believe we were at Cheddar's for my best friend's graduation dinner. I was really living my best life at that time. I had just moved to Tallahassee a few months before then. I was working for the state. I had just got accepted best school in all the land, to the one and only Florida A&M University. I was just really motivated. I was out on my own. I didn't need my parents to do anything for me. I had it all taken care of. Budget was tight, but I had it all under control. I had a new man in my life. Everything was great.

This was almost a year after the picture before. I was 23. This was when it all started to fall apart for me. I was at my aunt's Christmas party. I came ready to fight everybody. Family members me were dragging my name. It was actually one of the scariest times in my life. My security blanket was gone. My health was fading. At that I had gained about 40 pounds and doctors were unable to tell me why and why I was testing positive for pregnancy but I had never even seen the baby. This was the same day I decided to leave my church home. I couldn't trust anyone in my ministry, including my pastor.

And present day 26 years old. I am in tune with my star player. There's no more fear, just hope for the future. I was on break at work and was just in a great mood. There was literally nothing to complain about. My heart is so grateful that I made it through all of those stages in my life, and I can't wait to see what God has in store for me.