365 Questions--July 15

What heroes do you want to give your children?

I want to my husband (he’s on the way) and me to be my children’s heroes. I know that sounds a little narcissistic, but I don’t mean it in that way. I feel like your parents should always be your heroes, but that doesn’t always happen that way. Some people’s parents aren’t there to be a positive example. That is sort of what happened with me. I lived with my parents most of my life, but that is simply what it was. My parents didn’t raise me. My parents lived in the same house as me and there was never any type of advice given. There was never any kind of encouragement given. Everything was criticism, especially from my mom.

I missed the first essential relationship in life. A father is supposed to love and protect and be the example of what a man is supposed to be. I never got that. My mom is supposed to be my best friend, my confidant, but I can’t even count if I’ve ever trusted her with a secret, and I’m 25 years old. I can’t be mad at my parents for that. I didn’t realize that until maybe last week. I realized I was so angry at them for not being what I needed, and it hit me. My parents were broken because of their broken relationships with their parents and that generational curse developed. I want that curse to stop here. I don’t want it to go to my children or my grandchildren or anyone else in my bloodline.

I heard something so powerful one day: I am the representation of God in my life. I know what God has done for me. I’ve seen what God has done in my life. It wasn’t something somebody told me. I saw it for myself. I want to pass those stories to my children. I want them to believe in God not like how I believe, but with greater belief. I’m such a transparent person, and I want to be that way with my faith. I want my children to know. I want that transparency to be in every aspect of my life. I want my children to know mommy went through things, but she made it out. Mommy is not perfect.