What If It's a No....
Usually with these posts I have a storyline or like a Bible story to go with this, but today I just want to talk. I was just sitting at home watching Youtube videos per usual, and I had an epiphany after watching a video of Inky Johnson speaking. I'll leave it below
I realized that what we want for us isn't always what God wants for us. I've heard that time and time again, but then I really started to look at my life, and it really hit me. Before I tell this, I don't want any judgement. This is an area where I really, really struggle.
I recently got my heart broken. By recent, I mean like within the last week. Being with someone that I've known literally for half my life. Within the year and a half we were together, we went through so much. It was pretty bad when everything happened. But I remember right before he came to me on something more than just friends, I told God I couldn't go through another heartbreak. I can't take it. Literally, He gave me everything I asked for.
But ☝I was not obedient to God. God told me that if I had sex with him that it would kill me. I kept hearing that over and over. Sometimes I would just randomly hear it. Other times, I had dreams of my First Lady fussing at me and telling me "Sleep with that boy again and it'll kill you." Nevertheless, I kept doing it. I was doing everything else God told me to do except that. I completely voided from my mind the fact that obedience is better than sacrifice.
To be honest, sex is one of my biggest areas of struggle. I can go without drinking. I can go without smoking. I can go without a lot, but sex? That's impossible for me to do on my own, but that's a story for another day. How many know that God will allow for you to be tested in your area of weakness?
Not only is sex an area of weakness for me,but I greatly desire to be married. To the human eye, everything looks cool in a relationship, but God knows that's not who He has for you. Here I come, feeling like there's nobody else for me. Not doing right by God, and then boom. My heart is broken. Why? Because I wasn't obedient when God told me to leave well enough alone.
Then I looked back. I have a habit of doing that, but today is the day it stops. I can't keep going in cycles. The Bible says what you sow, you will also reap. I don't want to reap anything from something that was my own doing. I want to be in His will.
It doesn't have to be sex or men for you. It can be something else. Sometimes we find ourselves in cycles, where our it, whatever it is, is good to us for a temporary season, and then the bomb drops. We keep going through different levels of bombs dropping in our life. All because we don't want to listen to God. We do what we want to do. We keep having these low points and can't figure out why. We're being disobedient.
Every time I've had a rock bottom in my life, it surrounded a situation with a man. When I went through my lowest of lows, I wouldn't have realized that I had cysts on my ovaries unless I was going to the doctor about a pregnancy. I shouldn't have been having sex with him in the first place. Because of that particular man, so much chaos was caused within myself and with my family. Why? Because I wasn't being obedient. Obedience is better than sacrifice. I can shout like no other, pick em up and lay em down. I can sing. I'll worship Him until I can't speak and my eyes are swollen with tears. But all of that means nothing if I won't be obedient.
It's like with Jonah. God told Jonah to do something so specific, go speak to the people of Ninevah (it's all in the book of Jonah). Jonah was like "nah, I'll just go somewhere else." By being disobedient, Jonah was literally causing his own storms to the point so where God had to isolate him in the belly of the fish (or whale, whichever your prefer) just so Jonah could understand what he and God had done. It doesn't negate the fact that Jonah may have been obedient in other ways. God told Him to do something specific, and he didn't. So why should God answer our specific prayers, if we won't even be obedient? We never know what is in store for us when He tells us to do something.
I realized that what we want for us isn't always what God wants for us. I've heard that time and time again, but then I really started to look at my life, and it really hit me. Before I tell this, I don't want any judgement. This is an area where I really, really struggle.
I recently got my heart broken. By recent, I mean like within the last week. Being with someone that I've known literally for half my life. Within the year and a half we were together, we went through so much. It was pretty bad when everything happened. But I remember right before he came to me on something more than just friends, I told God I couldn't go through another heartbreak. I can't take it. Literally, He gave me everything I asked for.
But ☝I was not obedient to God. God told me that if I had sex with him that it would kill me. I kept hearing that over and over. Sometimes I would just randomly hear it. Other times, I had dreams of my First Lady fussing at me and telling me "Sleep with that boy again and it'll kill you." Nevertheless, I kept doing it. I was doing everything else God told me to do except that. I completely voided from my mind the fact that obedience is better than sacrifice.
To be honest, sex is one of my biggest areas of struggle. I can go without drinking. I can go without smoking. I can go without a lot, but sex? That's impossible for me to do on my own, but that's a story for another day. How many know that God will allow for you to be tested in your area of weakness?
Not only is sex an area of weakness for me,but I greatly desire to be married. To the human eye, everything looks cool in a relationship, but God knows that's not who He has for you. Here I come, feeling like there's nobody else for me. Not doing right by God, and then boom. My heart is broken. Why? Because I wasn't obedient when God told me to leave well enough alone.
Then I looked back. I have a habit of doing that, but today is the day it stops. I can't keep going in cycles. The Bible says what you sow, you will also reap. I don't want to reap anything from something that was my own doing. I want to be in His will.
It doesn't have to be sex or men for you. It can be something else. Sometimes we find ourselves in cycles, where our it, whatever it is, is good to us for a temporary season, and then the bomb drops. We keep going through different levels of bombs dropping in our life. All because we don't want to listen to God. We do what we want to do. We keep having these low points and can't figure out why. We're being disobedient.
Every time I've had a rock bottom in my life, it surrounded a situation with a man. When I went through my lowest of lows, I wouldn't have realized that I had cysts on my ovaries unless I was going to the doctor about a pregnancy. I shouldn't have been having sex with him in the first place. Because of that particular man, so much chaos was caused within myself and with my family. Why? Because I wasn't being obedient. Obedience is better than sacrifice. I can shout like no other, pick em up and lay em down. I can sing. I'll worship Him until I can't speak and my eyes are swollen with tears. But all of that means nothing if I won't be obedient.
It's like with Jonah. God told Jonah to do something so specific, go speak to the people of Ninevah (it's all in the book of Jonah). Jonah was like "nah, I'll just go somewhere else." By being disobedient, Jonah was literally causing his own storms to the point so where God had to isolate him in the belly of the fish (or whale, whichever your prefer) just so Jonah could understand what he and God had done. It doesn't negate the fact that Jonah may have been obedient in other ways. God told Him to do something specific, and he didn't. So why should God answer our specific prayers, if we won't even be obedient? We never know what is in store for us when He tells us to do something.
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