365 Questions--May 16
Write about your emotions you felt during the "ex" entry
I definitely felt a mix of emotions. At first I was very giddy and lighthearted. Back then, life was so simple. I literally went to school, danced, did community service, and talked on the phone. That was my entire life. When I met him, I had never felt something so genuine in my life. It was a breath of fresh air. We were genuinely friends for a couple months before we even got into the romantic side of our relationship. That was something very rare to come by at that time, considering I was 16. We weren't like to big overly sexual people that were just lusting. We actually didn't have sex for the first year we were together.
The other thing that came into play was a sense of gratitude. He was the one that really got me into believing God. His mother and my aunt pastored a church together. Naturally, that meant that he would be very involved. Let me just say this---my aunt is always on the go with ministry. I remember thinking back then "there's not that much church in the world." A lot of the time we actually spent together, even as adults, was because of church. He introduced me to another side of church that I had never experienced before. I remember it was June or July, he threw a fit because I couldn't go to a KiKi Sheard concert. He just wanted me to be able to put something he loved (church) and something that I loved (music) together and for us to enjoy each other's company. I mentioned before that we had both got into car accidents within a week of each other. He prayed with me after that. Nobody had ever done that before
Overall, we were very happy together. I was very, very much in love with him. But when things got messy with my family, I had never felt that much betrayal in my life. I didn't even know how to process it. For one thing, I found out what happened so far down the line. It was literally 3 years later when I found out what happened. I had no idea. I was told from a family member that he cheated. He told me he didn't, which I expected him to say because who is going to openly admit that? When all the lies that my family told me came out, I just couldn't take it. By that he and I had broken up twice because of things my family was saying.
It really broke my heart. I felt like I couldn't trust anybody around me. I felt like I had to put my happiness aside for them, and it wasn't fair. I genuinely loved him, and that wasn't enough for them. Me and J were literally sneaking around late in the midnight hour (literally) to avoid running into my family because we just didn't want any problems. I didn't like feeling like I was pushed into a corner. It was very frustrating to me. Here I was sneaking around with a man that I loved deeper than I had ever loved before, and I couldn't be with him because my family didn't like him for whatever reason that still has not been disclosed to me 8 years later. The thing that really frustrated me was my family got together all the time, and I would never want him to be there because I would never want to subject him to them. It really sucked because his family loved me. They always have.
Now, at 25 years old thinking back on that relationship all of those feelings do come up, but the last time we broke up had nothing to do with my family. We had just outgrown each other. I remember how ugly it was. I wasn't nearly as hurt that time as I was the other times. It's just interesting now to see how I've moved on.
I definitely felt a mix of emotions. At first I was very giddy and lighthearted. Back then, life was so simple. I literally went to school, danced, did community service, and talked on the phone. That was my entire life. When I met him, I had never felt something so genuine in my life. It was a breath of fresh air. We were genuinely friends for a couple months before we even got into the romantic side of our relationship. That was something very rare to come by at that time, considering I was 16. We weren't like to big overly sexual people that were just lusting. We actually didn't have sex for the first year we were together.
The other thing that came into play was a sense of gratitude. He was the one that really got me into believing God. His mother and my aunt pastored a church together. Naturally, that meant that he would be very involved. Let me just say this---my aunt is always on the go with ministry. I remember thinking back then "there's not that much church in the world." A lot of the time we actually spent together, even as adults, was because of church. He introduced me to another side of church that I had never experienced before. I remember it was June or July, he threw a fit because I couldn't go to a KiKi Sheard concert. He just wanted me to be able to put something he loved (church) and something that I loved (music) together and for us to enjoy each other's company. I mentioned before that we had both got into car accidents within a week of each other. He prayed with me after that. Nobody had ever done that before
Overall, we were very happy together. I was very, very much in love with him. But when things got messy with my family, I had never felt that much betrayal in my life. I didn't even know how to process it. For one thing, I found out what happened so far down the line. It was literally 3 years later when I found out what happened. I had no idea. I was told from a family member that he cheated. He told me he didn't, which I expected him to say because who is going to openly admit that? When all the lies that my family told me came out, I just couldn't take it. By that he and I had broken up twice because of things my family was saying.
It really broke my heart. I felt like I couldn't trust anybody around me. I felt like I had to put my happiness aside for them, and it wasn't fair. I genuinely loved him, and that wasn't enough for them. Me and J were literally sneaking around late in the midnight hour (literally) to avoid running into my family because we just didn't want any problems. I didn't like feeling like I was pushed into a corner. It was very frustrating to me. Here I was sneaking around with a man that I loved deeper than I had ever loved before, and I couldn't be with him because my family didn't like him for whatever reason that still has not been disclosed to me 8 years later. The thing that really frustrated me was my family got together all the time, and I would never want him to be there because I would never want to subject him to them. It really sucked because his family loved me. They always have.
Now, at 25 years old thinking back on that relationship all of those feelings do come up, but the last time we broke up had nothing to do with my family. We had just outgrown each other. I remember how ugly it was. I wasn't nearly as hurt that time as I was the other times. It's just interesting now to see how I've moved on.
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